Love Means Nothing In Tennis

07:07 pm - something new

hey ok so i was looking at my journal thing and reading what i wrote, and well almost all of it is about guys. how pathetic is that? i mean really if thats all i can seem to write down, then i have bigger problems then i thought i knew.

so im going to talk about something new, and fun, and not guys.
alright well lets see i was over at tessa's house for new years and i had such a great time. i new really got excited for new years. you stay up untill you see the clock hit 12:00.... ... ... um whoo? and then you go to sleep. that is how it as always been for me; but this year i had fun and i realized what kind of happiness the new year is supposed to bring to you.

today went to bed at like 430 and woke up at 630. so thats like 2 hours of real sleep, then i made myself go back to bed till 830, but i was only really half sleeping. but yeah then i got to come home and take a shower, wow i felt so gross. after i took my shower i put back on my pjs and layed around the house the rest of the day. i really enjoyed myself.
my new years resolution is...to keep my grades up the rest of the semester and into next year. i have decided that i want to be a validictorian. this is a goal i have set out for myself and i am going to do everything i can to make it happen for me. this is something i really want, i know that im not the smartest person ever but maybe i dont need to be. maybe its more about the overall production; if i can appear to be smart, do all my work(which isnt that hard and i dont see why people dont. how can you just sit there?), and do my work well (make it look nice and creative) then i think i can do it. i know that the first step is to believe in myslef, and after my middle school years i have put myself to the test several times. my science teacher in 7th grade, he was hard. he was also a very good teacher. though i like hated him that year, i look back now and realize i have learnd so much from him and i thank him for that. i hope that he does the same for others; if i figured him out others can too.
i think the people that you hang around and are in classes with help you realize things too. my team was full of drugies and people who now dont have too much. you can see then that that is not the way you want to end up. i wanted to swich to anthoner team so bad at the begining, but it was a test. a test about me, i was put on that team for a reason and i found that reason and learned from it.
next was arnold. everyday in her class was, was like it was just around the corner. your walking and then you have to turn, you dont know what will be there and how it will affect you. arnold tought me how to prepare for those kinds of things. she also helped me in that i know what i can do, i know that i can succeed. it may kick my butt while i go through it but that is what its all about. everything in life will kick our butt, it just learning how to deal with it.
well i survived middle school and now im in high school. i have been through one semester of mrs mikesell. that is the hardest class i have had, yes harder than arnolds. i ended with a 97.2 in mikesell's class. i was so happy and proud. i have her again next semester and im actually happy about that, i dont really tell anyone that (most people hate her but i saw something else in her) she is a teacher for a reason. she wants you to learn and understand and she is there to help you. she sent my parents a card. it said that she felt privlaged to have me in her class and that i had worked hard and she told my parents to be proud of me. i almost cried because in class she never had favorites, i always felt like i was...just there. you know like you work so hard but you cant tell if the teacher knows. and she knows, i think most all teachers do know and it just made me so happy to think wow this lady appresates(however you spell that) me.
but anyway that is my new years resolution, wich is more like a long term goal but whatever. there are other smaller "year" goals that i have but wont get into.

my christmas was so cool! every year i try to think of something past what you see at christmas(the tree, presents, that sort of thing)
this year was family. christmas is a day that you spend all day with your family. we all woke up xmas morning went downstairs did our thing. nobody took a shower that day, got dressed, cared what they looked like. i just got to hang out with them and in my family thats not too common. my brothers at college, my sister doesnt live with us. but this winter break we had so much fun together. we do every year but this one was different for some reason im not sure of.

i am so parisative of so many things in my life. and the new year is a time for me to reflect on that
well i think that is all i have for now, not like that isnt enough anyway
xoxox

Current Mood: refreshed

09:37 pm - realizing...

ok so i was watching tv abd all it was was this guys and girls and they were so comfortable around each other and i thought about me...and how comfortable around the guys i like; and well im not. lets look: i have gone out with 4 guys in my life; wes, anthony, matt, and um...cade(that is one sad sad list) but anyway back to my point. i never felt truely comfortable around any of them, ever. however, there is one person i have felt comfortable with. never felt they were judging me, wanted me to be something i knew i wasnt, but liked me for me. that person is someone i meat at tennis camp. jj, from tennis camp, from south dakta.
now why was i so easy with him??
there are a number of reasons, and the one i would want to be true, i dont think is
it could be because i actually did like him(like truely felt something more than what i saw, but thats not what i mean i dono how to explain it but yeah)
it could be because i only new him for like a day and it wasnt enough time to feel something other than that
it could be because he got what he wanted, and that really wasnt who he was as what i saw him to be and thats why he made me so comfortable is because he didnt want to lose a little somthin somthin
or it could be because there was so many other people around that it was really them that i was comfrotable with not him , which would bring me back to not being totally comfortable around any guy that i, at one point, had feelings for
saddly, i think that it is the last reason and not the firts
what is wrong with the way i feel? its like i cant control it i just am not the way
is it me, or the guy? if it is the guy then why cant i find one that i can totally be myself with?

i dont understand...im not sure what i am or what i can be

Current Mood: cold

06:59 pm - ...?

alright well, i havent written in this thing in a long time
however i am feeling the need to let everything go
so here it goesi am mostly confused about guys right now, i dont get them........at all! how is it that i notice someone and am now like totally hooked and they probably only know my name (which is more then maybe becca could say jk jk) if you havent figured out i am talking about chad. i so look forward to cheering at soccer games, just because i know he will be there. come on how lame is that? way lame but anyway i dont think he really knows how much christine and i like him (like him meaning thinks he is hot and what to get to know him out side of class and soccer) ahh....?

and i know anna has told me about jake and everything and that is really nice. i would like to get to know him better and have him get to know me
i want someone who knows me soooo well, and i know them just the same
i just dont know if that will ever happpen
... that tis all for now
MEL~XOXOX

Current Mood: confused

08:49 pm - sorry its been so long

im sorry it has been a whike
first i must say THANK YOU ANNA!!! i really do mean that too. thank you thank you, you are my all time favorite hero! hehehe thanks again

we have started high school and i must say i do really like it. i just wish my first two classes (geometry and english) get a little more talkitive. the whole time both classes are so dead quiet its weird. all my other calsses are really kool though

i have a cold and it sucks, and oh anna i am glad to see you are feeling better

i got this new lotion and it is white tea and ginger, it smells sooooooo good!!! its my new favorite sent

anyway, i am excited for homecoming but everyone i know has actuall dates! so i am hoping i am not the only one with someone they are going with :/ i should probably go now bye byes xoxoxxox

Current Mood: sick

05:00 pm - i got a dress!

i got a homecoming dress!!! and silver shoes too!! i am so excited you will have to see it sometime!! hehehe

Current Mood: excited

12:53 pm - just trying something

just trying something

Current Mood: relaxed

12:31 pm - this thing

Okay, So I'm generally not into these things, but it's some livejournal trend so why not? Yeah well Fill it out and I'll love you forever! Here goes..

1. who are you?
2. are we friends?
3. when and how did we meet?
4. how have i affected you?
5. what do you think of me?
6. what's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. how long do you think we will be friends?
8. do you love me?
9. do you have a crush on me?
10. would you kiss me?
11. would you hug me?
12. physically, what stands out?
13. emotionally, what stands out?
14. do you wish i was cooler?
15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?
16. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. am i loveable?
18. how long have you known me?
19. describe me in one word.
20. what was your first impression?
21. do you still think that way about me now?
22. what do you think my weakness is?
23. do you think i'll get married?
24. if so, who?
25. what makes me happy?
26. what makes me sad?
27. what reminds you of me?
28. if you could give me anything what would it be?
29. how well do you know me?
30. when's the last time you saw me?
31. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
32. do you think i could kill someone?
33. are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what i say about you?

11:58 am - tennis camp

hey ok so i have been having such a great summer!
i had the best time at tennis camp. it is so not worth like 600$ though. i didnt really learn very much about tennis but thats okay because i got to go for free! but anyway like the first 4 days i was very dissapointed about the guys up there. it was like 1 girl for every 5 guys, and normally that would be fantastic...but not with the guys i saw. maybe like one or two were cute, none of them were hot. although there was this one guy, greg, he looked like tiger woods, he was kool. so yeah anyway like wednesday afternoon i met this one kid, jj. all i have to say is OMG! he is soo cute...not really "hot" but very cute. and not to mention he is a great tennis player. he is so nice and funny. thursday night is the dance and i dont really know how they expected us to get all into it because they keep the guys and girls sooooo sepperated. we had like no interaction with them. so we are at the dance and everyone is just in a big group "dancing" i danced a little and then there came the slow songs and at first no one knew what to do cuz it was a little weird for the guys to just walk up to some random girl and ask them to dance so once like one person started dancing everyone else got more into it and jj asked me to dance and i had the best time it was great. so then it is back to the kind of dancing there was before and then slow songs and just stuff like that, but with almost every slow song i danced with him and with each song we kept getting closer and closer. after one song we just kept standing there holding on to each other and then we kissed! i really like him. there is only one little problem...he lives in south dakota! i mean come on! who lives in south dakota?!?! i miss him a lot. every time i think about him i get all happy and then the more i think about him the more sad i get because i could very posibly never see him agian! do you know how much that would really suck?...i had to leave early from camp, never got to say good bye, never got his email address, sn, # or anything! all i have is a picture.

at the end of camp they give everyone a nickname, his was jj "i still dont know her last name" schultz. i found this very funny though cuz it took like three months to kiss anthony, it took a few hours to kiss jj and at the time i didt even know his last name. on friday like all the Counselors started asking me my last name cuz they knew jj didnt know it. so jj's counselor is nate so he was like "hey melissa whats your last name?" i was like lemar. "o the doughnut shop?" i was like only we spell it differently its le not la, then some girl in line with us was like have you ever had their doughnuts...i was like no lol and nate falls on the ground laughing! so the rest of the time like three of the of the guy counselors randomly yell out LEMAR! i was like alrighty then.

about tennis camp though i met this girl from ohio. she is so funny and we became good friends. i made lots of friends that go to mullen too. i fit in with them well i thought...it was the high school week so i was the youngest girl there (the best one too...they werent very godd so i hit with one of the boys groups one of the days) some of the girls thought i was going to be a Junior! i was like...no? ill be a freshmen so i thought that was pretty funny. i had a great time though, the tennis wasnt the best but everything else was it was fabulouso!

11:24 pm - The Beginning...

Hey this is Anna, starting off Lyss' journal for her.. well just designing it. Beautiful, I put Roddick on the backround just for you! Everyone, read and love her journal cause Lyss is the cutest! Peace out.

*Josh

Current Mood: creative